Good Memories

Last week we attended a grief group.  Our homework assignment was to write about a happy memory that we had with the loved one that we have lost.

I have a few happy memories that I want to share.

Looking back during that time everything was such a blur.  So many things were happening to me physically.  SO many pain meds and the first 5 nights after the boys were born were exhausting and painful.

The first memory that I have and will forever cherish is seeing you for the first time.  Your isolete was the first one, followed by Mason's.  It took everything I had to get into that wheelchair to get over to the NICU so I could meet you.  You were 5 hours old.  I was wheeled by your isolete and got to hold you.  It was hard getting past all of the wires that were coming out of what seemed like everywhere from your tiny 3 pound body.  You were the cutest baby I had ever seen.  You held my finger so tightly as I held you in my arms.  You would blow bubbles out of your mouth and didn't like the feeding tube that was down your throat.  I wished so badly that you didn't have to be so small and need a feeding tube.  I wanted to kiss your little face off, but I was nervous I would give you germs so I settled on kissing your head.  Looking back I regret that. You were perfect.  Amidst the noise of the monitors going off all around us.... you and I were in our own little perfect, peaceful bubble.

The second happy memory was when you were 3 days old we got to be reunited again (ALL THREE OF US!!) I was so excited to hold both you and Mason together.  It seemed like you guys knew exactly what to do.  Mason would snuggle up to you and put his face on the back of your head.  He loved feeling your hair on his nose.  I will never forget those precious moments snuggling you.  Most of the time it hurts too much to think about those memories, but today I am just going to be happy for the times we did share and all of those hours mommy got to snuggle you.

Good memories are a special gift that can never be lost, ruined, or fade with time.  Until I see you again my sweet baby Boston.  Mommy loves you so much and would give anything to be snuggling you right this minute.  Sending kisses to heaven tonight my little angel.

Love,
Your Mommy