A little hiatus

Wow, I can’t believe it has been so long.

Hello ALL!

I am back.  Ready to start blogging again and putting some thoughts on paper.  What a ride this thing called life is.  I am so glad that I get to have so many shoulders to lean on.  Heaven knows I have needed them.  I have learned SO incredibly much these last few years.  I guess going through incredibly hard things brings strength in ways if we allow it.  My hope for this blog is a place where I can share my thoughts, lessons learned and my journey-  that it may help you in some way.  We need each other.  That is one of the many things I have learned.  With that-

 We need to do some filling in...

Emma Violet was born 10.26.16 (on her due date I might add).  She was a beautiful, dark haired, big eyed, chubby baby.  I was able to have a VBAC delivery and things went pretty well.  Pretty well meaning I add a lot of PTSD from Boston’s death.  My mind played a lot of tricks on me when Emmas was born.  I kept calling her him and she looked so much like Boston.  It was really hard.  I left the hospital within 24 hours which was a huge mistake because hours after I got home I was taken back via ambulance to a closer hospital and re-admitted.  The verdict: Panic attack/ complete emotional, physical, and mental breakdown.  I hadn’t slept in days and after Emma was born I wouldn’t let myself sleep because Boston got sick during the night then died the next day.  I guess in my head I was terrified that was going to happen to Emma as well.  It was so sad to leave Emma at home only being 1 day old and overnight, but we survived.  I learned from that I need to take care of myself or else I can’t take care of anyone.  After a prescription for depression/anxiety medicine and a night of sleep I got to go home.

That baby has grown into an active, emotional, curly-haired, 15 month old, and has been the perfect addition to our family.  Mason and her are the best of friends and I love watching their relationship grow each and every day.

I sit her just 2 days shy of celebrating our boys 3rd birthdays.  I can’t even let myself go there to saying boys (plural).  Still not sure how we celebrate Boston’s birthday and Mason’s birthday onthe same day?  The last few birthdays we decided to celebrate Mason only, then on February 7th which is Boston’s death date we usually do a family Boston day.  I guess I just don’t want to be sad on their birthday.  I think that would be too hard.  Time is hard.  Pain and grief change, but whoever said time heals?  I am not so sure about that at this point in time.

I have had a good “first” this week that I want to share.  I was able to talk about Boston for the first time in front of a larger group of women on Sunday and I didn’t even cry.  I am a teacher in my church and get to prepare and teach a lesson once a month.  This month my lesson was a talk that was given at General Conference and it was about service.  I felt so proud as I stood at the podium and showed them a picture of my perfect, precious son and now guardian angel.  I shared with them his story, his life and how I am trying to serve for him the entire month of February.  I asked them- just like I want to ask you- to join me.  To serve in honor of Boston sometime during the month.  I am excited to see the good we can do together.  You can share your act of service on Instagram using the hashtag servingforboston.  No matter how small your act is, please share!  By small and simple things are great things come to pass.

PLEASE JOIN ME!

 I NEED YOU.

 YOUR FRIEND/NEIGHBOR/FAMILY MEMBER/STRANGER NEED YOU.

SMILE, OPEN A DOOR, LEAVE A NOTE, GIVE A COMPLIMENT, BAKE COOKIES, SPREAD JOY, DONATE SOMETHING, WRITE A NOTE, DO SOMETHING.



#servingforboston